Be the change

So says Ghandi....

Today was slightly better, though not by much. But I came to an enlightenment today. The change starts with me. So, painful as this is going to be, I'm going to have to stop, and take stock of my work ethic, failures, as well as strengths (let's not be completely depressing here) and try to move forward in a productive and positive manner. Meanwhile, I'm going to try very hard not to get discouraged.

But here's what I think.. what happens at my job has absolutley no bearing on who I am as a person.. I'm going to keep repeating that until I start believing it. No bearing on who I am as a person. I think I'm a nice person. I think as a person I am somewhat competent, though every day I am feeling less and less smart. Maybe..just maybe those ASVAB people were right about me..

Ok.. so positive action. I will take the suggestions that B. is going to give me.. and I am expecting them to be harsh statements.. but I asked for them.. because I need to know where I stand... how else can I move forward, and FURTHERMORE how can I dare stand there and bitch about other people when I'm not even looking at myself. That's not very fair.. so I am going to take these statements, and use them as a jumping off point to get better.. to be better.

If the statements come back that I have nopotential on this path.. then I shall take that, and find another direction to take.. I am thinking that perhaps if things get parental around here, that maybe following a teacher's schedule might be the best course of action. So I plan on taking the necessary steps to maybe have that as an option.

I am tired of worrying about this. Tired of questioning myself. I used to be more confident than this..I jst feel bad Davey has to put up with me.